The Runaway Bride part 1

The Adventure of the Runaway Bride

Part 1

A Tale of the BioSouls World

by Ben R
(illogictree.deviantart.com)

"No, seriously, I want to understand the train of thought that resulted in your accepting this job. I'm sure it could be the basis of a psychology paper written at a prestigious university by a brilliant professor specializing in abnormal mental conditions."

"Robin, shut up and keep blasting!" yelled Asenath as she hacked wildly at another hivebug flier that dared come too close.

Robin sighed and dug into his satchel for another energent. Three of the thumbnail-sized crystals left. Maybe enough for one spell. "Crap, we're running out of options here," he said. "Any suggestions?"

Charlie grunted and clubbed a hivebug crawler that tried to nip at her. "We might want to find the hivebody they live in. If we can drive that off, the bugs will probably follow."

"Make it so!" yelled Asenath as she deprived another oversized vermin of what passed for its head. Greenish bug goo spattered over her dark skin, the short warrior woman was clearly running dangerously low on patience.

"Yeah, but where is the hivebody then?" asked Robin, drawing his elegant elf-forged dagger and stabbing menacingly at a few hivebugs that were coming too close for comfort. "It's kind of hard to do that if we can't find it..."

"Er," came the nervous voice of the fourth member of the group, "I think I know where it is..."

Charlie casually mashed another insect with her mace and looked down at the source of the voice. "You do, Meis? Where is it?"

The skunk halfling looked thoroughly miserable, waist-deep in muck that came up to mid-thigh on the others (excluding Charlie, whose height made it barely knee-deep to her). She had never really gotten used to the life of adventure she found herself living at the moment - especially times like now, slogging through a bog surrounded by unreasonably angry arthropods of unusual size and shape. For all that, though, she was the one most likely to keep her head about her in a crisis.

"I think," she said, looking uneasily at the hillock they were backed against, "I think we're standing right next to it."

The other three blinked and looked at the moss-covered protrusion rising from the stinking morass. The moss-covered protrusion blinked and looked back.

"Ah, er..." said Robin. "Good job, Meis..."

"ALL RIGHT!" yelled Asenath gleefully, finally having a target larger than her in view. Her red eyes glinted. "Robin, gimme some of your energent!"

"Oh come on, don't you have any of your own?"

"Robin, gimme your magic rocks or I'll cut your pointy ears off!"

He hurriedly handed them over in case she wasn't joking. "Fine, but what are you going to..." Suddenly, the barest inkling of her plan tinkled in his consciousness. With growing horror, he glanced down at the swamp, which was bubbling with marsh gas. In other words, highly flammable methane was filling the air about them. "Um, maybe it would be a better idea if I..."

Asenath held all three remaining energent in her hand, and then slammed them against the hilt of her sword to break them. "FIRE BOMB!"

Reacting to the arcane energies released from the crystals, a ball of fire appeared in her hand. Then, reacting to the presence of the open flame and the oxygen in the air, the methane around them caught fire with a wet WHUMP.

The hivebody gave a great roar and rose from the swamp, all six misshapen legs flailing as the rocklike monstrosity whirled and fled deeper into the mangrove forest, its mossy patches aflame. Hivebugs of all descriptions fled the scene and wheeled to follow their mobile home in its back.

A few minutes later, Robin dragged himself upright, checking to make sure he still had all his limbs, facial features, and hair. Yep, everything accounted for.

A massive eruption of bubbles heralded the reappearance of Charlie, her cleric's robes covered in black muck whose composition it was best not to contemplate. With a swift tug, she hauled Meis completely free of the bog as easily as a child might pick up a doll. "Well, uh," said Charlie dazedly as she pulled her glasses off her face and futilely tried to wipe them off, "that might have gone better."

Asenath rose from the muck last, spitting bits of unmentionable stuff from her mouth. "Man, THAT was unexpected," she said. Then, glancing around at the burning trees and bits of bug, she grinned. "Wha-CHOW! That did the trick, didn't it? No, no need to thank me for my quick thinking and awesome skills, I do this all the time." After a few seconds of contemplation, she blinked. "I'm not missing any of my clothes, am I?"

"Nah," said Robin. "That would be the least of our problems in that case."

Charlie gently set Meis down and sighed heavily. "So now what are we going to do? We're out of energent, have virtually no idea where we are, and no idea of where this place we're going is supposed to be. Plus, our supplies are probably covered in whatsit now."

Their leader grinned wildly. "That's no problem. We go onward! This shrine has to be somewhere in here; all we need is to find the place, grab the ratty old wall scroll our employer desires, and then head back. Dead easy." Her smile broadened even more, if that was possible. "If we're really lucky, we might get to fight a boss monster at the shrine! Maybe a ghost, or a giant beetle, or the ghost of a giant beetle. Or even..."

She was interrupted by a piteous wail that echoed through the swampy forest.

Shockingly, the source of the powerful cry was Meis.

"I can't take this anymore!" she sobbed, burying her furry, mud-caked face in her hands. "Day in, day out, nothing but maniac missions into stupidly dangerous territory! Last week it was the chalice of some undead king. Yesterday it was an infestation of feral stone golems. Today it's a moldy old painting in a swamp. What's tomorrow, a scale from Jormungandr's heiny?"

"Hey, yeah, now that you mention it, that would be a great thing to try next!" said Asenath, looking dreamily into the distance. "Just think, facing the great World Serpent himself and walking away with a piece of him! We'd be famous for sure..."

"I wouldn't call getting it from that end facing him..." said Robin, his face twisted in disgust.

Meis stared at Asenath, a look of disbelieving horror on her face. "You're not serious, are you?"

The dark-skinned warrior grinned and threw an arm around the shorter girl's shoulders. "I am serious. You're absolutely brilliant, Meis. Once we get the scroll, we'll have enough cash to hire a ship and head out for the Northern Sea to find his backside in order to..."

Meis wailed again and tried to run. She only succeeded in falling facedown in the muck again.

"Cheez, what's her problem?" asked Asenath, staring at the skunk-like girl's bedraggled tail sticking out of the mud.

* * * * *

It was many hours later that the group of four finally returned from the swamp and stomped into town. Understandably, several people mistook them for escaped mud golems or swamp monsters on vacation. The constant low moaning coming from the smallest member of the group may have helped the illusion.

"Prancy doofs, she's getting on my nerves!" cried Asenath. "Can't you shut her up or something? She's whining fit to raise the dead."

Charlie sighed. "I think you traumatized her," she said. "She's had about as much of your brand of adventuring as she can take for a day, I guess."

Meis' moaning came to an end, only to go straight into random mumblings. "It wasn't supposed to turn out like this... I shoulda met a handsome prince, joined a group of valiant, mentally stable companions guided by a kindly old wizard in grey... Over hill and under hill, through the forest and down the river to reclaim fantastic treasures... dragons and dungeons..." She glared at Asenath as if she was the originator of everything that had gone wrong with her life up to this point - and to a certain extent, she probably was. "Instead, I get stuck with an overeager madwoman, an effeminate skirt-chaser of a wizard, and a cleric who looks like a barbarian warrior! We go around doing the things other adventurers are too smart to do, because you're too stupid to know when to say no!"

Asenath laughed. "Oh, come on, it's not that bad! If I wasn't already adventuring, I'd give my left tonsil to join a group like this." She looked contemplative for a second, as if considering whether that made any sense. Satisfied that it did, she plowed on ahead. "Besides, this is all TRAINING in case we ever get the occasion to take on a really BIG quest! You know, the kind where we get to save the world from certain doom and all that. Facing down the baddest things the world has to throw at us, undead monstrosities, terrible constructs, and mind-destroying abominations against the order of nature... Just like the Knight of Water, Cates..." She stared into the distance, starry-eyed. "She's so cool... I wanna be just like her someday."

"Minus the webbed feet and green skin, right?" asked Robin wryly.

Asenath blinked. "Er, well, yeah, I don't mean I wanna change species or anything like that... Just to be cool and famous and skilled like her, and have those kinds of adventures that get turned into ballads and operas." She grinned, possibly trying to imagine what an opera of her life would be like. Just as long as they never let a big fat lady do her part... The others would be fine for that, but not hers. Heck, a fat lady could even do Robin if she put her voice high enough...

"I don't care about your stupid dreams of fame!" cried Meis. "I do, however, care very much about my life and the lives of the other people around here. That's more than you ever seem to care about."

The warrior girl shrugged and scratched at her head. Bits of dried organic residue flaked out of her hair as she did so. "Hey, I care. If you guys died or something, who would I have as backup? I'd probably have to hire someone to join me then, and I might not be able to afford all the energent we'd need."

"So you like us because we come cheap?" asked Robin incredulously.

Meis looked like she was about to boil over and club the other girl over the head with something heavy. Fortunately, Charlie intervened.

"Inn," she said, pointing.

"Oh goodie," cried Asenath, switching gears abruptly. "Now I can finally wash out all this crap."

"Looks like they have a natural hot spring too," said Robin with a grin. "Man, that'd be a great way to relax after this stupid adventure." Charlie nodded in agreement, a slight smile on her face.

"Yeah, just don't let Meis into the hot spring with me. She smells like a wet skunk when she bathes," tossed back Asenath as she marched in to procure their rooms.

Back on the road, Meis burst into tears again.

* * * * *

Meis and Charlie sat at a table by themselves in a corner of the inn's tavern. Meis was nursing a halfling-sized mug of hot cocoa and staring into the fireplace, while Charlie was attempting to daintily sip at her tea. Attempting daintiness and mostly failing, since the teacup was about three sizes too small for her.

It wasn't that Charlie was merely tall. She was proportioned like an average-sized human, only scaled up in every dimension. Roughly speaking, she was over seven feet tall and twice the overall size of the next-largest person in the tavern. It came from her heritage, one of a number of tribal groups who lived in the great grasslands of the Earth Realm referred to by the rather biased city- and town-dwellers as 'barbarians'. Aside from her size, her name always gave that away. 'Charlie', short for 'Charmaine'. Only barbarians had weird, foreign names like 'Charmaine', or 'Bruce', or 'Robert', instead of normal ones like Toril, or Bors, or Veeram.

Meis in contrast was built to a scale roughly half to two-thirds the size of a human. She had silky black-and-white fur (now that it was cleaned and properly preened), with a large fluffy tail marked by parallel white stripes down the middle, and ears that less resembled those of a human and more those of an animal. Her face was human-shaped, though covered in fur, and rather pretty to those who were inclined to notice. In contrast to her huge companion, who was decked out in her clerical robes, she was dressed in a shapeless forest-green tunic and trousers of no particular note. The lute she always kept on hand was propped against the table.

Charlie sipped at her tea and sighed. "You know," she said, "Asenath doesn't really mean to be mean like that. I've known her the longest of the three of us, and she's like that with everyone she cares about."

"Seems like she's just like that with everyone," Meis pointed out before sipping at her cocoa.

The big barbarian girl chuckled. "That's true, I guess... She's got a touch of sociopathy, I think. Either that or she never stops to consider the consequences of her actions."

"Actions such as setting off a Fire Bomb in a gassy swamp?" chuckled Meis. Her mood soured slightly. "If there was any justice in the world, she shoulda been at least lightly fried by that."

"Still, that was the biggest, most impressive, and quite possibly most literal example of ignis fatuus that I've ever seen."

It took Meis a minute to realize that Charlie had just made a pun.

"You really need to work on your jokes. Most people don't know enough Latin to find that funny."

Charlie looked embarrassed. "Sorry, I'll try to remember that." She sipped at her tea again, draining the cup in one go. As she poured another cup, she examined Meis carefully. The two of them were probably the closest friends amongst the group, and she was familiar with the small skunk woman's moods. However, she had never seen her quite as bad as she'd been today. "Are you doing all right now?"

Meis sighed and slouched back in her chair, idly kicking her feet and avoiding meeting her friend's eyes. After a minute or two of charged silence, she finally spoke. "I think so... for now... But I don't think I can keep this up." She paused again, sipping at her drink. "I don't think I'm really cut out for this kind of life. I'm a musician, not a fighter. I'm always holding the party back by being too small and weak. I couldn't even help back there in the swamp because I could barely move. What techniques I know take too long to set up in a hurry, and aren't much good anyway. I mean, what good is being able to make plants grow faster? And I can't stand being ignored by Robin and abused by Asenath. If I stick around her, I could end up dead or something."

Charlie nodded. "I see... So I take it... you're leaving?"

She sat silently for a while. "If I did, where would I go? I have nowhere to go back to, you know... Nowhere I'd want to be, anyway." She sighed, looking almost like she was going to cry again.

As Charlie struggled with what to do next, one of the other tavern patrons kept a careful eye on the pair...

* * * * *

Asenath yawned and stretched, grinning broadly. "Ah, it's another beautiful day for adventuring! Come on, you three, there's a horizon out there that we haven't crossed yet, treasures we haven't found, foes we haven't vanquished!" She turned back to see the reluctance on the faces of the rest of her group. "Well, come on, those horizons ain't gonna cross themselves now!" she declared impatiently.

The others shuffled uneasily.

"I detect a slight bit of tension," said Asenath. "Well, out with it. What's up?"

Robin cleared his throat. "Well, weren't we supposed to return that scroll we found in the swamp shrine? You know, the one we expended three hundred bits' worth of energent fighting bugs and getting ourselves fried? Not to mention facing an angry giant beetle AND the ghost of a vengeful warrior-priest?"

"Oh, that ratty old thing?" said Asenath. "Eh, I guess that's right. I nearly forgot about it. Well, I guess we need to head back to Crestvale. Crossing a horizon we've crossed before is almost as good as one we haven't. Well, come on, guys! I ain't sitting around until I take root, and this thing won't deliver itself!" She started off down the road.

"Pardon me, madam, I believe that if you wish to get to Crestvale, you need to go in the other direction."

Asenath stopped short. She turned to face the voice's origin. She had to look down slightly to do so. "Er, thank you, Mister..."

The new halfling was a finely dressed cat type, with blonde fur striped with orange. His most distinguishing feature was a nasty-looking scar across his forehead. He had apparently appeared out of nowhere behind her. "Scratchtail. Dismend Scratchtail." He gave a swift, elaborate bow, accentuated by doffing his plumed hat.

The adventurer leader blinked at the odd display. "Ah, OK, well, thanks, Mr. Scratchtail." She started down the road again, in the suggested direction. "Come on, guys, the road won't travel itself, you know! Let's get going!"

Charlie and Robin shared a brief glance and shrugged, turning to follow her. Meis' reaction was somewhat more unusual: she locked up completely, staring at the catlike man, her face blank of expression.

Noticing that her friend wasn't with her, Charlie glanced back at her. "Meis? What is it?" She turned around to see what she was staring at. "What, do you know him or something?"

"...Dismend Scratchtail?" squeaked Meis. "Dismend Scratchtail?!"

"Ah, yes, you have heard of me, madam?" asked the debonair feline. "Oh, but of course you have. The famed halfling gentleman soldier-of-fortune?"

"Oh, you mean the bounty hunter and assassin," said Robin. "I think I've heard of you."

"Oh reeeeealy?" said Asenath, wheeling again to face the newcomer. "Sooo, what are you wanting, Mr. Scratchtail?" she asked mock-sweetly, her hand on the hilt of her sword.

"Please, madam, I am not here to fight you," protested Scratchtail. "I am merely here to speak with your companion, Ms. Meis Brockwood."

Meis gulped. "What do you want with me?" she stammered.

"Merely to inform you that I, the famed Dismend Scratchtail, have been requested by your family to persuade you to return home... By any means necessary."

The skunk stared at him in shock, then began to back away slowly. "N... no... I can't go back... I can't go back there... I won't go back..."

The cat sighed and began to advance. "Madam, I am afraid that your parents specified 'by any means necessary'. Please do not make this more difficult for yourself than is necessary."

"Heya, now, hold on," said Asenath as she stepped forward. "I'm not going to let you just take her like that. You'll have to get through me first."

Meis looked to her in shock. The dark-skinned warrior glanced back, a knowing look on her face. It was the first time Meis could remember her with a serious expression. After a moment, Asenath's face turned back to Scratchtail.

The cat gazed into her red eyes, perhaps noticing for the first time that they appeared to lack pupils. "Very well, madam," he said with possibly feigned reluctance, "you force my hand. En guarde!" He drew the elegant rapier that hung at his side, holding it with his right hand.

Asenath gave a manic grin and tossed her head casually, the streak of red in her brown hair rippling like a ribbon. She drew her own sword with her own right hand, a short one-handed weapon of simple construction. The two squared off, taking the ready stances of their respective fighting styles.

"Come on, Meis!" cried Charlie as she grabbed the smaller woman, swinging her up onto her shoulders. "Let's get out of here!"

Meis clutched onto her instinctively as the larger woman rushed down the road, Robin by her side. "She... she's fighting him... for me?" she said in disbelief.

Charlie grinned. "I told you she cared about you."

"But she'll be killed! He's the best assassin in halfling society! He always announces himself to his victims because he knows they'll never be able to stop him!"

Robin grimaced. "There's one thing I've come to realize about Asenath. There's no way to stop her if she desires to do something."

* * * * *

The early-morning bustle of the townsfolk had stopped, and a crowd had gathered around the two swordfighters - not too close, of course. It was never too smart to get too close to a fight between adventurers, and they knew this - instinctively if not factually.

The two circled warily, weapons at the ready as they studied each other.

"You have good form," remarked Scratchtail. "It shows you are skilled."

"Thanks, pal, you don't look too shabby yourself."

"Shall we test our blades against one another?"

Asenath's grin widened, her red eyes flashing. "You know I wouldn't have it any other way."

The two held their poses, waiting for the other to make the first move.

After a long moment, they moved at the exact same time, darting forward so quickly they seemed to blur. The clash of steel on steel rang through the town. The two resolved back into view, their weapons locked about each others', somehow managing to be face-to-face despite the height disparity between them.

"Not bad," said Asenath. "You came in higher than I expected from you."

Scratchtail smiled proudly. "I pride myself on doing what few expect. I admit you surprised me by spotting that in time."

The two jumped apart, then circled each other warily, weapons at the ready. Suddenly, they closed, their weapons glittering as they struck at each other. Asenath was surprised as she found herself having difficulty landing a blow. Her blade was heavier, though shorter, and easily brushed the halfling's weapon aside. Yet somehow, when she pressed the attack, that same blade seemed to push hers around just enough that she never landed a blow on him.

For his part, Scratchtail was impressed. Somehow she was keeping up with him and parrying his attacks with what should have been a much clumsier weapon. Her defense was remarkable. He wasn't sure he'd ever met anyone as fast as her with the short sword. Why, if she were to ever take up a rapier, she might actually best him, unlikely though that would be.

The two broke contact again and stepped back from one another, blades still at ready.

"Well, madam, it seems we are at an impasse," he said.

Asenath nodded. "Yeah, you're good, but not good enough."

Scratchtail allowed himself a chuckle at that.

"Oh, by the way," added Asenath, with the air of adding on an afterthought, "there's something important I think you should know."

"Oh?" asked Scratchtail, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah," she said, suddenly tossing her sword into the air. She darted forward, catching the weapon with her opposite hand and making a mighty downward blow that her opponent had to actually physically dodge. "I'm not right-handed," she said, grinning like a mad Cheshire cat.

Scratchtail grinned as well. "Impressive," he said, then darted forwards to engage again. Swords met and rebounded. The fighting was even fiercer this time, as Asenath's change of hand was proving to be quite effective. Her attacks had greater strength behind them, and she was just as fast as with her other hand. He was being hard-pressed to parry her attacks this time.

Finally, he'd had enough. He locked his blade with hers at her next strike. Grunting under the strain, he grinned. "Madam, I also have something to tell you."

"Oh?" said Asenath. "Lemme guess, you're not right-handed either?"

He grinned. He flexed his left hand and a short dagger slid out of his sleeve. "Actually, I'm ambidextrous," he said as he drove it into her thigh.

Asenath merely grunted. "Man, that was a nasty trick," she said. "Is it poisoned or something?"

"Would it make any difference if it were?" he replied.

"Oh, probably not," she said. "I'm still going to kick your..." She suddenly went rigid as a board.

Scratchtail stepped back, withdrawing his dagger. "To answer your question, it is coated merely with a powerful paralysing agent distilled from coffin wasp venom... I use it whenever I need to take someone alive. It should keep you immobilized for an hour or so." He saluted with his blade. "You were a worthy opponent. However, you have made me waste valuable time." He sheathed his blade again. "I hope to fight you again one day. Perhaps then I will be able to battle you fairly. But for now, farewell." With a flourish of his hat, he leaped onto a nearby rooftop and darted away.

Asenath grunted again and forced herself back into motion. She angrily straightened and glared after him, sheathing her weapon. "Dangit, that hurt!" she cried. "I'm going to get you for that, fuzzy!" She took a step, moving as if her feet were made of cement. "...As soon as I get some feeling back in my legs, I'm going to track you down and make you eat that stupid hat of yours!"

* * * * *

The other members of the party sat beneath the span of an ancient oak tree, well off the road and hidden from plain sight. Robin was gasping for breath, but Charlie had barely broken a sweat. Meis was still trembling, sweat staining her fur. "I can't believe it! My parents... my own parents sent Dismend Scratchtail after me!"

"Shhh, keep it down!" shushed Robin as quietly as he could. No sign of obvious pursuit, but no sense in tempting fate.

After a few minutes, he sighed and allowed himself to relax. "So, Meis..." he whispered, "why are you suddenly such a hot item? I kind of suspect it has something to do with the circumstances of you joining our group..."

Meis avoided his gaze and stared at the ground. She scuffed at it with her foot, as if to say she hadn't heard his question - or didn't want to have heard it.

"Well?" he pressed.

"Hey, don't bother her," scolded Charlie. "If she doesn't want to tell us, she shouldn't have to."

"No. No, it's all right, Charlie," said Meis with a sigh. "It's just painful for me... But I think you deserve to know, under the circumstances.

"My father is the wealthiest man in Lesser Serrush, one of the larger towns in the western Wood Realm. He's a businessman who aspires to nobility. So of course he wants to get a title... That involved marrying off his daughter to some of the local actual nobility. No matter that his daughter thought the prospective groom was a self-absorbed twit who expected her to obey his every whim while he slept with every girl in the area he could get into bed with...

"He wouldn't listen to my objections. 'This is more important than your little whims,' he said. Yeah, like his whims were somehow more important than mine? There was only one thing I could do. I ran away. Then I bumped into you three and since then the nightmare's never ended, but at least I'm not getting hitched to a bucktoothed creep who happens to be descended from someone who brought some king toilet paper at his dire need or something."

The other two stared at her, then glanced at each other in shock. Meis had never been this open about her past before, and now it was clear why.

"Meis, I..." stammered Charlie, "I don't know what to say... I..."

Robin stared at his shoes. "I'm... I'm s... sorry, Meis. If I'd have known, maybe..."

"Truly, madam, my heart weeps for you. Yours is a tale of such misery and woe..."

Meis sighed and nodded, wiping the tears that had sprung to her eyes. "I'm all right, really... I needed to get that off my chest. I..." She stopped and blinked. Something wasn't quite right. "Um, guys? What's wrong?"

"You mean besides the fact that a crazed cat is holding us at knifepoint?" asked Robin, mustering a bit of his usual sarcasm. "No, nothing especially."

Dismend Scratchtail gave a nod. Somehow it was elaborate and flourishing while still being simple. "Madam, I am truly sorry about this; had I known the true circumstances of your position, I would probably have turned the job down - or at least raised my price. But I took the job, and now honor, not to mention contractual obligation, forbids me from abandoning it uncompleted." He adjusted his grip on the dagger in his left hand, putting it ever so slightly closer to Charlie's throat. "Thus, I will make this easy for you. I have your friends at my mercy; I can kill them before you finish blinking. Turn yourself over, and I will spare their lives. Otherwise..." He tilted the short knife in his right hand so that it caught the light. "Well, as I said, I'm making this an easy choice."

Meis stood for a long moment, taking this all in. Very slowly, her tail drooped, her shoulders sank, and her head lowered. Finally, eyes closed tightly as if to summon courage, she whispered, "Okay. Okay, don't hurt them. I'll... I'll go back home with you."

Scratchtail gave a pleased sigh and his weapons disappeared. "Thank you for cooperating, madam. It pains me to have to distress you in such a manner, but as I said, I cannot break my contract." He gave a bow to the other two. "Now, I am afraid I will have to take my leave. Thank you for not trying anything foolish. Good day to you, sir, madam." With a flurry of movement, he - and Meis - were gone.

"I... I don't believe it," gasped Charlie. "I can't believe she went with him like that!"

"Would you rather have her watch us have our throats cut? I personally could do without having that happen today..."

Charlie stood up rapidly. "We have to go after them! Where's Lesser Serrush from here?"

"How in the Pit should I know?" demanded Robin. "It's not like there's a map around here...?" He trailed off as he noticed a map pinned to the tree just above where they had been sitting. A large red 'X' marked the location labeled 'Lesser Serrush', a route picked out in red leading between it and a large arrow labeled 'You Are Here'. A smaller note, also in red, pointed to the town they had recently vacated. 'You might want to pick up your other friend here first.'

* * * * *

A figure shambled like one of the undead down the road. Travelers rapidly made way as it approached, carts pulled off the road, even a herd of cows parted around it. It wasn't actually undead, of course; they tended not to make so much noise. Nor curse so colorfully and coherently. She'd been spitting epithets and uttering oaths ever since she had hobbled out of town in pursuit of that annoying feline, and had yet to repeat herself - though admittedly, her store of vulgarities was running a little thin by now.

No, what was actually causing the crowds to get out of the way was the almost tangible aura of rage, or at least extreme annoyance, that was rising off the figure. It was something terrible to behold.

Her companions themselves dodged off the road themselves when they met her coming the other way. Then, realizing whom it was, they rushed back to her.

"Asenath!" cried Charlie. "Are you all right? You've been wounded!"

"Mostly my pride," she replied. "A bit in the leg, but mostly my pride."

Robin shook his head. "I would have thought you'd have caught him by now."

"I woulda, but he stuck me with a poisoned dagger. Can you believe that?" growled the fiery fighter. Anticipating Charlie's next question, she said, "Nah, it's paralyzing, not killing. It stopped me long enough for him to get away. But if he'd only stayed there a little longer, ooh, would he have had a surprise!"

"He figured he had you good for an hour, eh?" said Charlie with a smile. She produced her bag of medical supplies. "Now let's see, where's my antitox elixir...?"

A horrified look passed over Asenath's features. "Um, I'm much better now, much better... Getting better all the time, look!" she said, attempting to do a little jig. She didn't do too well. "Er, aren't we missing someone?" she asked, changing the subject.

Robin's look turned serious. "Meis gave herself up to Scratchtail when he threatened our lives. He took her, and presumably they're heading for Lesser Serrush. We might have a chance to save her, though; someone left us a map."

"Really? Good bit of luck there," she said. "Well, we'd better get cracking if we're going to rescue her from certain death!" She started off with her shambling gait again. "Er, it is certain death, isn't it?"

"Oh, no, much worse," said Charlie. "An arranged marriage to the upper-class twit of the year."

Asenath looked stunned. "Right... then... we'd better get going if we're going to save her from certain... er, matrimony." She whirled and picked up the pace.

"Hey, aren't you forgetting something?" asked Charlie, holding out a vial containing a thick green-yellow substance that looked uncomfortably like something you would find in a handkerchief after a good sneeze. "Or are you wanting to lurch all the way there?"

The other woman pretended not to hear as she stiff-legged it down the road. There was something bothering her, but she wasn't sure what it was. Something about the painting...? Eh, who cared, there were more important things to worry about now. Such as avoiding any of Charlie's medical help...

* * * * *

It was a few days later that Asenath and her group found themselves in halfling country. The thick forests of the western Wood Realm gave way to gently rolling plains covered in short green grasses and scattered thickets of trees hardly taller than Charlie. The road meandered along like a directionally challenged stream, through towns made up of small huts with sod roofs and rounded doors, between long stretches of fields overflowing with crops. They met fewer and fewer people their size, and encountered increasing numbers of people that came only to their shoulders at most. Charlie had never been in this part of the world, and found herself amazed at the sheer variety of halflings. Of course, intellectually she had known that there were plenty of different kinds - mice, rabbits, hedgehogs, squirrels (ground and tree), foxes, weasels, otters, dogs, cats, raccoons, badgers, and others - but seeing it for herself was a different story. Pretty much anything that was small, furry, and four-legged had a two-legged version around here, it seemed. She found herself idly wondering if somewhere there was a species of bird-people along similar lines, or fish...

"Heya, short stack, you know the way to Lesser Serrush?"

Charlie snapped out of her contemplation to find their group leader attempting to communicate with the locals.

"Yeah, I'm talking to you. Whassamatter, you no speak-a da English-a? OK, I... WANT... TO... GO... TO... LESS-ER... SER-RUSH. YOU... UN-DER-STAND?"

Robin sighed and gestured to Charlie.

Taking his hint, Charlie sighed as well and produced her club from within the folds of her robes. With a light flick of the wrist, she smacked Asenath upside the head with it, sending the smaller woman reeling while simultaneously shutting her up.

Robin bowed to the rather offended person Asenath had been speaking to. "Sir, I apologize for the behavior of my companion. She's stupid and doesn't know any better. I was wondering if you could possibly direct us to Lesser Serrush?"

The next few minutes of dialogue were barely comprehensible to Charlie, delivered as they were in a thick rural accent and made use of a large amount of apparently local terminology. Robin seemed to understand it all right, though, and thanked him graciously for his help.

As he moved off down the road, Charlie grabbed the still-loopy Asenath by the shoulder and guided her after him. "You really need to work on your interpersonal skills," she said to her.

Asenath stuck her tongue out at her. "This coming from the person who clubs people on the head whenever she gets annoyed with them."

"It's your own stupid fault for not shutting up when you're told. Or not knowing when to keep your mouth shut in the first place." Asenath started to protest, but Charlie cut her off with a gesture from her club that made a few passers-by dive for cover. "Now, where we're going, we're probably going to run into the local nobility and close imitators thereof. These will be powerful people in this part of the world, and it'll be dangerous enough trying to rescue Meis without you mouthing off to the wrong person, OK?"

The warrior woman rolled her eyes. "Cheez, okay, okay, I get the picture. I'll keep my mouth shut, if it'll make you happy."

Charlie sighed. "If you do keep your mouth shut, I'll be surprised. Oh, well, what happens happens. I just hope you go down first if it happens."

Asenath grinned again. "You know if it happens, I'm going to be the one left standing on top, sword in hand and loot in the bag!" Suddenly she looked puzzled. "Say, what is 'it' exactly, then?"

* * * * *

Reynis Brockwood was huge as halflings went. He was nearly five feet tall and almost as wide. Rather fat, as well, but the sleeves of his fine clothing did little to hide his well-muscled, trunklike limbs. To a human, he might not be terribly intimidating, but he towered like a thunderhead over his daughter.

"Well," he said. The single syllable conveyed all the contempt and disgust he felt for her.

Meis felt more miserable than she had felt in a long time. She found herself wishing she were back in the swamp with the others. "... Hello, Father," she managed.

He turned away from her to face Scratchtail. "Here is the arranged payment. Fifty thousand bits." He handed the dapper assassin a bag. Its contents clinked like coins.

The cat opened the bag and verified that its contents were indeed wedge-shaped gold coins, each one worth enough energent to burn down a forest. He closed the bag and bowed. "I thank you for sticking to our arrangement, Master Brockwood. You would not believe how many of my employers have attempted to cheat me in the past." He smiled charmingly. "Of course, I made sure they did not become repeat employers."

Ignoring the implication, Brockwood turned to his head butler, a thin weasel with the prim, precise bearing expected of all upper-class butlers. "Welkins, have Mr. Scratchtail shown out. And have someone take my daughter to her room. Get her out of those stinking travel clothes and make sure she's washed and presentable by dinnertime. Oh, and send a message to Lord Waterdown; inform him that his fiancée has returned and that we would be much obliged if he would come to dinner tonight as well."

Welkins bowed smoothly. "At once, milord," he replied. A short double clap brought a group of his staff to his side, and a few short words relayed Brockwood's instructions. In a few short moments, the servants went at their assigned tasks, a group of maids bustling Meis up the broad staircase to the bedrooms, and a butler guiding Scratchtail toward the door.

Scratchtail paused before he left the room, turned, and bowed graciously to Brockwood. "I hope to see you again soon, Master Brockwood, and your lovely daughter as well. But for now, I bid you adieu." With that, he was gone.

* * * * *

Meis sat in a room she had not seen for a long time, and had both wanted and not wanted to ever see again.

The room was opulently appointed, paneled with wood and draped with sea-foam-green upholstery, curtains, and rugs. A circular four-posted bed with a translucent sea-foam privacy curtain hanging from it took up most of the floor space, the silver-colored inlays glittering in the rays of the setting sun coming in through the large oval window set in a large ornate frame. (She noted that there had been an addition to the frame since she had been there last, in the form of a rather large and purposeful-looking padlock.) A large (and also, unsurprisingly, ornate) wardrobe sat along one side of the room, a stone fireplace built in the traditional cylindrical style protruding from the wall across from it. There were two rounded doors leading out from the room; one led to the private bathroom where a few maids were getting a bath ready for her, the other guarded by another pair of maids leading out to the hallway.

She could close her eyes and see every detail of the room. Every one was etched on her mind, despite not having seen it in years. It was the room she'd grown up in, her own little corner of the mansion. She'd never thought she'd see it again, yet here she was. She'd hated that nasty sea-foam-green color and the overly-ornate furnishings ever since her father had had her room redecorated all those years ago, but he'd been insistent that it needed to look like "a proper lady's room". At least she and her mother had been able to dissuade him from redecorating it in pink. Still, it was hers, one of the few things in this house she could think of as belonging to her even if it didn't.

A bit of soft discussion outside her room in the hallway reached her ears. A few seconds later, her door swung open and her mother entered.

"Meis?"

Meis glanced toward her, then turned back to staring at nothing in particular. "Hello, Mother," she said, her voice tightly controlled.

Radia Brockwood was a small woman compared to her husband; it was clear seeing her and her daughter side-by-side that Meis took after her more than Reynis. Her attractive face was neatly combed and trimmed, but it bore the subtle signs of long-term worry. However, her expression changed into a tentative grin as she crossed the room and sat down beside her daughter on her bed.

"I was so worried about you," she started. "Running off like that, without letting anyone know where you were going? And getting mixed up with a group of crazed ruffians, I hear!" She sighed. "Still, I'm glad you're in good health... And, I'm sorry about all this..."

Her daughter grunted and scuffed her feet on the floor. It had been a while since she'd been able to touch the ground while sitting on some form of furniture. It was strange, she hadn't noticed she'd picked up the habit of kicking her legs while sitting. Usually the floor was polite enough not to get in the way.

The awkward silence continued, and finally Radia broke it. "Look, you know I objected to this marriage, too. But your father can be so stubborn sometimes. When you ran away, he flew into such a terrible rage I was afraid he would tear down the house with his bare hands!" She absently caught Meis' tail and began stroking it gently. "Afterwards, we waited. I was able to convince him for a time that you would return of your own volition, but as the months went by his patience wore thinner and thinner until he finally hired that terrible man to track you down. He did it without consulting me at all. The first I heard of it was this morning when he received word that Scratchtail had arrived in town with you in tow."

"That's funny," shot back Meis. "Scratchtail told me that the both of you had hired him."

Radia looked hurt for a second and glanced away. "I'm sorry... I was so worried about you, I agreed with him on this just to find out if you were all right. Please don't hate us for this... Especially your father. He really does love you, you know... It's just that he has his mind made up and nothing short of Ragnarok will make him change it."

Meis gave a short snort of a laugh. "Yeah; he'd probably be trying to marry me off to a God so he can get a foot in the door to divinity."

A smile tugged at Radia's lips as she ran her fingers through Meis' tail fur. "Well, it honestly wouldn't surprise me. He's always wanted to go up in the world, even back when we were children."

Her daughter sighed again. Suddenly she looked her in the eyes for the first time since she'd entered. "Mother, I think I should warn you... Someone might be coming after me. Things could get a bit nasty, and I would feel better if you weren't around when it happened. Dad too, though it might be hard getting him out of the way." Her face was set in a brave mask. "Please, promise me you'll stay safe."

Radia dropped Meis' tail. "What are you talking about? Is there some terrible villain chasing after you?"

She smiled bemusedly. "Nah, just my friends."

* * * * *

PROCEED TO PART 2